ME Nigerian Widows Talk About Their Struggles With Sex

Touch, hug, kiss, cuddle, sex – these are a few of the things married women take for granted everyday, women who have lost their husbands will however do anything to have these back.

In a feature published by Punch Online, Nonye Ben-Nwankwo speaks with three widows on how they deal with their desire for sex.

Below is an excerpt;

Ekile’s story
“In my own case, I wasn’t devastated because I wouldn’t be able to take care of my home and our son. Thank God I have a good job. But I realised that I would not be able to make love to my husband any longer. Our sex life was very healthy when we were together. I just didn’t know how I was going to manage. I doubt if there is any widow that would say she doesn’t crave for sex.

“I managed to live a life of chastity for three years. I am a human being and I am young. I had to get into a relationship so that I don’t jump from one bed to another. My husband’s death was painful. He died in a motor accident and it has not been easy. For a woman to stay and have nobody to ‘lubricate’ her is not easy at all. I will not lie and tell you that I have not slept with any man since my husband died.”

Aganbi’s story
“My husband died when I was 30 years old and after five years in marriage. It was terrible! I had my five children in those five years. Things were not so good. But I made a vow to God that He would be my husband.

“I will not say the passion was not there. However, I killed it with prayer. If I had slept around or had affairs, I wouldn’t have been able to train my son who eventually became a priest. I sewed up my vagina. I can beat my hand on my chest and say that I have never slept with any man since my husband died. However, when the urge comes, I go to the sanctuary of God and I pray and pray,” she said.

“The urge still comes on so strong even at this age. But I have made a vow to God and I intend to keep it no matter what. I don’t masturbate, I don’t even have immoral thoughts and I don’t play with sex toys. However, I switch off and occupy my mind with other thoughts,” she said.

Sandra’s Story
“Naturally, sex has not been ‘food’ for me. I may not be frigid but I can do without sex. So, when my husband died, sex really never came to my mind. In that aspect, I have been able to cope very well. My husband was not always around even when he was alive. He was based abroad but he trusted me so much because he knew I was not too keen about sex.

“But few times when I even thought of it in the middle of the night, I would just call Jesus and I will sleep off again. If I get the urge early in the morning, before I know it, my kids would enter my bedroom and I would play with them and prepare them for the day,” she said.