I have ceased to believe that it is wrong for
people that are married to decide to go their separate ways if the marriage is
not working out due to irreconcilable differences. I was made to believe by
religion that marriage is for a lifetime, whether it’s a good or bad one. Now,
my belief is that only marriages where the parties are committed to make the
union work and successful are for a lifetime. Any marriage that the parties in
it are not working out their differences and is therefore not healthy or toxic
should be dissolved if one or the two partners wants it so, for the good of all
involved.
Whether we want to face the truth or not, there are
differences that cannot be resolved, reconciled or compromised on between two
people for one reason or the other, especially if there is no love in the
relationship/marriage. Examples of such differences varies in quantity and
quality in relationships/marriages. If two people are totally different in
their outlook, mindsets and expectations in and from the institution of
marriage, it will be hard for such a couple to dwell together in harmony if
there is no will to do so.
It does not necessarily mean that when two people
are not able to make their marriage work, they are bad or wrong. They just
want/need things from each other that they’ve not been able to get. Things they
discover either one or the two partners involved don’t have in them to give.
Which is okay compared to the alternative of living a double life. That’s why
I’m a firm believer of the truth that the best person to marry is a friend. I
missed this once, I’ll not do so again and I encourage singles to keep this in
mind when considering a future partner. Because it takes compatibility and
agreement on so many levels for two people to be friends and remain friends
over a period of time. And marriage needs such compatibility and agreement to
be fulfilling and successful.
In our generation where a lot of people meet and
marry their spouses in places of worship, it’s sometimes difficult to know the
family backgrounds, past lives and private life of one another, especially if
the person makes false representations or hides things from the other
party. And because of the place of meeting, people erroneously believe
and trust themselves without carrying out proper investigation into one
another’s past for in depth knowledge.
So such people get married with only their
professed faith/religion, and the leaders/members of the place of worship where
they met in common. In some cases, the couples discovers that they’ve based a
life long decision on weak and inadequate parameters. For after the marriage,
they do nothing but bring out the worst in each other. They have no interest in
each other’s dreams and aspirations, hobbies and friends. They are unable to
effectively communicate or understand each other’s peculiarities, (or one
partner does not see the need to, while the other is a staunch believer of the
need to do this). They start to live separate lives with only their religion in
common.
In some cases, one partner proves not to be so
rooted or convinced about the shared religion/faith and starts living contrary
to the injunctions of the religion/faith which is the ONLY common factor
between the couple, to the dismay of the other partner. The only time the
backsliden partner relates and identifies with the faith he/she has deserted is
by imposing and demanding his/her rights/entitlements allowed under the said
religion/faith from the still believing partner which creates an unjust and
abusive imbalance.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
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